Ten Tips to Sober Life
Sober life arrived at my door in January 2019, I was expecting it. My final alcoholic drink enjoyed on the flight back from Dubai after an epic 6 week trip exploring India, Nepal, Oman and a last few days of Winter sunshine in Dubai.
Saying goodbye to hangovers was a long-time coming.
That one last epic hangover in the December, the weekend before I flew out to start my next chapter of travelling, nudged the decision. As I would spend Christmas in the Himalayas I had jumped on a train to London to visit my sister and her partner. We drank all weekend - Friday night at the O2, an epic venue, where we danced the night away knocking back double gins. Then we started again on the Saturday with rum infused mulled wine at the Christmas Market in Hyde Park, before all the wine at a bar, followed by gin with dinner then 2 pint pints watching a sweaty gig in Brixton.
The next morning, I sat a shell of a human on the four hour train trip back to Scotland. No idea how I survived. The heat of the train, the cramped seats, and the hangover belly - primed to make a dash for the toilet. I couldn’t concentrate. A downloaded movie played out in front of me but I wasn’t watching. I wanted this day to disappear. What a waste.
And that is what and why I want to share today.
Life is a gift, each day and especially the weekend. I felt my hangover was stealing life from me. It was a waste of a good day where I lived in my head waiting for bedtime when I would, hopefully, feel better.
That Christmas, when I hiked in Nepal for ten days, I didn’t drink. I felt amazing. More present, connected and completely inspired to change my life. I knew I didn’t need alcohol in my life to have fun. Here are my top tips to help anyone sober curious.
Tip One - Set a target, goal, or an event to keep you focused and motivated in the early days. Perhaps, as a means to explain your sober journey as you figure it out yourself. It could be linked to a physical activity where you need to be present and fresh to achieve your goal or a challenge (Sober October or Dry January).
After the trip to Nepal, I flew back to start a new 12-week marathon training programme, where I committed to using the run, partly as an excuse, to not drink. It made it easier to explain to others why I choose to stop when they constantly questioned my decision.
After those initial 12 weeks, I knew I had found my path.
Tip Two - Decide what you want to share regarding your why, your reason, to say no to alcohol then share it with people. Don’t hide away as then it feels like shame. You need to embrace the journey you are on, so others will embrace it alongside you.
Tip Three - Visiualise your new life, all the freshness and purpose, and remember your old life - the wasted weekends. This will keep you motivated. I have a number of incredible hangovers I can recall like yesterday, along with all the feels. Sweaty palms, anxious thoughts, upset tummy and the overriding feeling of wasting my weekend. Then I recall how I feel when I wake up each morning, fresh as a daisy. With a full day ahead of me.
Why would I want to waste it.
Tip Four - Align your lifestyle to your future self - someone that doesn't drink. You will naturally become more aware of your body and mind. You will likely want to spend your weekends out in nature exploring, feeling fresh, or learning a new skill or hobby. Make plans, or book in events that will promote a sober lifestyle. Your environment supports you and you grow in your environment.
Tip Five - Face any sober challenges head on. We use alcohol to socialise, connect and fill any social awkwardness. It is the instant ‘I can talk to strangers’ or ‘I can do anything’ confidence booster. Identify any situation you feel uncomfortable in and arrange to confront this, on your terms. Forward plan and set an intention of how the experience will be. This isn’t about walking away from people or big parts of your life, it is about living life on your terms - this time sober. Rather than a big pub fuelled night out, you may decide for enjoy a three course meal with mocktails, before you head home at a sensible hour.
Tip Six - The temptation will come, so be ready. Remember your why and make sure you are prepared for it. Forward role play what would happen if you had one, two or multiple drinks. You don’t want to be that person anymore, craddling the hangover wishing away the next day or few days.
I faced my biggest challenge 10 months in when I travelling as part of a group tour to Ethiopia. As everyone gave the waiter their boozy orders I paused as I could feel it, the little voice in my head whispering, “Just join in, have one drink. Go on – you won't single yourself out that way.” That reason, your why, needs to be stronger than that little voice in your head.
Tip Seven - Not everyone will get your why and will likely, not, support you by whispering “Just have one drink”. Thankfully, in my experience, so many people do get it and will become your own support network. Be open to explaining you are facing a wobble. On the same trip in Ethiopia, as I felt myself swaying, I explained to those sitting nearby that I hadn’t drank since January. Just like that a few in the group explained their own sober challenges – they all got it. I felt that ease drift away as I looked the waiter in the eye and asked for an orange juice. Phew.
Tip Eight - Celebrate your wins as our culture is still ingrained around drinking when and wherever possible. Another version of me would have thought I was a big, sad, boring loser saying no to alcohol. I now chase that feeling when you wake up the next day feeling fresh, fully present and in control of your day. Go all in, embrace it - feel the smugness of controlling your life on your terms. Celebrate life again! High five each milestone, whether an experience, situation or a sober birthday milestone.
Tip Nine - Enjoy what sober life brings. A new community, new hobbies, new alcohol free drinks to try. Don’t hold onto the past or regret the person you were. Life is too short for that. You have a new sober life to explore.
Tip Ten - Strip away the alcohol and many people will feel lost - I felt more alive. Way more in control, present and appreciative. We are our own energy, vibe, and buzz. Prepare for a journey where you unlearn to relearn who you were before alcohol became your friend. You are now in full control of your future - what do you want? Decide, then go out and get it.
Key Takeaway - Find the balance in your life. I know my life got easier when I worked out what was getting in my way. This is our only shot at life, and I know I don’t want to waste a second. What is holding you back in life? I learned if you open your eyes and mind, free yourself, then you can live a joy-filled life without the drama of a hangover. My body cried out for a long time to be listened to. I was having too much fun to listen until the struggle became greater than the fun. The more we realise we can design and create our own life, the more we fine-tune what that means to us but only by slowing down and listening to our body and mind. There holds the answer.