Manchester Marathon Week 1: Privileged to be here

As I started my next run challenge, I looked ahead to the training for Manchester 2021 and it all feels familiar. This is my sixth marathon training programme and will, hopefully, be my fourth marathon. The last two programmes were eventually paused as the pandemic took hold and put a stop to Copenhagen 2020 then Richmond runfest 2021. Gone forever.

The thought of another 4 month marathon ‘journey’ doesn’t fill me with excitement, the last two failed attempts have been a little annoying to say the least. As much as we would all love to say “Yeah I train and push my body to the limit for the love of running”, we are all little creatures who need an extrinsic reward – something that keeps us motivated when the struggle arrives at our door and the going gets tough. That for most runners is the high you get at the end of a race, and of course we love a medal (and a tee-shirt). And obsessing over our race stats – all the stats our Garmin and Strava pump into our vision. Training with no end goal or big shiny reward can feel a bit flat. Yes i said it out loud “we need the race rewards”.

Although I look and sound like a runner, my mind still likes to play tricks with me and declare “you can’t run a marathon”. Of course I can. Bless my mind, or more specifically my inner critic - it is trying to trick me to play it safe and be lazy. As it knows, and I know, the training and the actual marathon are TOUGH. It destroys my body a little and, yes, you feel pain.

“Why would you put yourself through that again, and again?”, it declares. Well, because on the other side of the pain is magic (in a tough sense). The magic that you can achieve tough stuff.

There was a version of me that never believed I could run a marathon. 42km. No chance. There was a version of me that didn’t believe I could run a half marathon, or a 10k. I remember when I loved this 4km loop around my apartment block in Melbourne. I would run it one or two times a week. 4km. Each run the same. Never more, and never less. Always the same 4km. Hilarious really. The thought of adding on one more km to make it 5km was like suggesting I hike Ben Nevis. Then I went from 4km to 7km. I added on another block, to make it two blocks around my apartment to form this new distance. Who even runs 7km? Me!

Then my partner at the time signed himself up for the Melbourne marathon and somehow convinced me I could run a half marathon. I remember thinking he was on drugs. How could I run from my current nice and safe 7km loop to that magic number of 21km?

After probably throwing a tantrum, I allowed myself to get excited about being someone who could achieve a half marathon and started to follow a made up training plan. I still to this day remember my first ‘long’ run. The longest I ran before the Melbourne half was a 15 or 16km run. The runners high that day was off the scale. My body was proper destroyed, but I didn’t care as I felt like a warrior princess. From that day on I knew I was going to run a half marathon – something switched inside me. I started to believe in my own ability. Yes to that!

In October 2014 I ran my first ever half marathon. Melbourne was my first – everyone remembers their first. It was wild and raw, euphoric and emotional. I stopped twice for a pee, laughed and probably cried at the support. Something you still don’t ever get used to, all the real life heroes that stand at the side of the road and shout your name as you run past giving you the encouragement to dig deep and KEEP RUNNING when your mind is shouting the opposite. I dragged my right leg through that last km to cross the finish line. My time that day, 1hr 58 mins. I had arrived into the half marathon club.

My love affair with running started that year. I will always be grateful for my ex for basically signing me up for the Melbourne half – once the full on tantrum subsided it started me on a path that has opened my eyes and mind to a world of possibility – to my own ability.

Fast forward 6 years and I have now ran 13 half marathons and currently chasing a 1hr 35 min time. The girl that loved that 4km loop grew up!

So how did I get from 4km to 42km? Well, If I am honest, by throwing more tantrums and following the signs.

In 2017 I ran my first Manchester half marathon  - I returned in 2019 as we had some unfinished business! It is an amazing route, taking you out towards the City football ground before you head back towards Old Trafford. As I got to Old Trafford, everything was SORE, my mind was screaming I couldn’t finish but I knew I was on for a big Personal Best if I dug deep. I was hanging on, shouting at myself (in my head) to keep going. As I turned the corner, I expected to see the finish line. I had miscalculated the remaining distance and could have cried when I saw the ‘1km to go’ sign. With nothing left – I was exhausted. Or so I thought. We always have more in us for that final push. I shouted in my head again “KEEP GOING”. I dragged myself across the finish line and looked down to see a new Personal Best – 1hr 40mins and 9 seconds. I could have cried happy tears, but I was destroyed. The physical pain – my body had been pushed to its limits and I felt it. And mentally. To hold on, keep going, feel the heaviness in your legs – wiped me out.

Back then I must have had a bit of a fixed mindset as I boldly decided I had ran the fastest I could in the half marathon and couldn’t run any faster. As I type this now I don’t recognise that version of me. So I decided to turn my back on half marathons. Since that makes sense. Rather than just go away and train harder. What a drama.

Looking back, I am glad I was a drama in 2017 as it paved the way for the marathon to become part of my life. Hello!

At the same time I was having half marathon ‘it got hard’ meltdowns my sisters girlfriend had been training for the London marathon. I was a little obsessed with her journey. My sister would tell me snippets. It sounded brutal, but intriguing at the same time. The long runs where she was out running for 3+ hrs. The taping of her knees. The training seemed to go on forever. I didn’t realise at the time but I was planting a seed – a seed that would grow.

As London approached, I was intrigued to see what would happen. Ofcourse Sarah finished London. She is made of tough stuff, plus anyone who has trained for a marathon will agree, if you make it to the start line then you will make it to the finish line. The training breaks you so you are ready for the main event.

As I turned my back on the half marathon I started to hear this narrative in my head “Maybe I should run a marathon”. It started off quite quiet as I was a little scared to admit it, then it grew and I went full in. This happens a lot. I switch from “Nah, never” to “Running 21km is too hard, so lets try 42km”. Then it all fell into place, like it was my destiny.

I posted something online in 2017 about looking for a marathon for 2018 and a friend reached out. She was running Barcelona 2018 in the March with her brothers. The seed of an idea was starting to flourish into a real life thing. I immediately signed up for Barcelona 2018 and booked the flights. I adore Barcelona and the route looked the dream where it traverses around some of the most stunning sights in Europe. Before I knew it I was deep in marathon training.

Up until this point I had never ran further than 21km. Slowly the programme takes you up to that magic number of 21km, once my goal, then starts to take you beyond - to new limits. 21km becomes 23km, 25km, 28km then you move into 30+km distances. Madness. I thought my body was destroyed after that Manchester Half Marathon. That was nothing compared to how my body felt after some of my longer runs on the marathon training plan. My legs would feel like glass, like they were going to shatter at any minute.

In the end another friend signed up and the three of us had a facebook chat on the go to share our training stories. Motivating each other. Each having moments of doubt. Questioning what and why we were doing it!

On 11th March 2018 I stood on the start line of the Barcelona marathon. 3 hours and 50 minutes later I crossed the finish line and joined a special club. A club I told myself I would enter and leave. Yeah right. I love endurance stuff. And the marathon is the gold label endurance sport. I think I might need to be kicked out the marathon club. I ‘retired’ from it after my second marathon – I will keep that story for another time.

After running Bratislava (Slovakia) and Chester Marathons in 2019, my marathon time now sits at 3 hours 40 minutes. I want 3 hours 30 mins. Can I achieve it? Of course I can. But will I? Lets find out on 10th October.

What has the marathon taught me that I want to share?

It is a privilege to run a marathon, to train for a marathon and to believe you can run a marathon.  

As a female you slowly realise what I have achieved is as a result of those footsteps I follow.

In 1967, Kathrine Switzer became the first woman to run the Boston Marathon as an officially registered competitor. During her run, race manager Jock Semple assaulted Switzer, trying to grab her bib number and stop her from competing. No one believed a female could run the distance. It was a mans sport.

The question I pose to you – Why wouldn’t you run a marathon? So many people in the world will never experience it but while I can – I will! I owe it to those who don’t have the privilege.