Calm or chaos - you decide
Seeking the balance in life – easier said than done.
On a recent Sunday in April I 'hiked' Arthur's seat, the main peak of the group of hills in Edinburgh, with a couple of friends. Hours earlier when I woke I felt the twinge of my knee, my left knee, my sore knee. I had felt it for a while, the whole week before in fact, but always seemed surprised when I still feel it. Lingering like a bad smell.
‘Ouch’, I muttered thinking ahead into the future where I would be at the summit of Arthurs Seat.
The day before, as I sat having lunch with my parents, I explained I was going to check the spiritual meaning of my sore knee. I caught them both glancing at each other. The list presented was long and eye-opening:
Stubborn ego and pride.
Inability to bend.
Fear.
Inflexibility.
Won’t give in.
Fear of change of life direction.
Lack of ease of movement.
Unable to be flexible.
Not wanting to bend, usually to authority.
Ego gets in the way.
Pride gets in the way.
Then as I zoomed into the left knee pain, I nodded further - Needs to be more receptive to life experiences, insecurity, and unresolved stress.
The spiritual meaning can feel on point at times, and it also feels like a list of every possible possibility, which just seems a bit too much.
Suddenly I brought myself back into the real world and reminded myself of a more plausible reason:
· My body is still recovering from the Paris marathon
· I haven’t had a massage in a while
· I am running in brand new trainers
· I ran 6 days straight the week before and
· I walked over 50K steps one day, with a couple of 40K step days in Barcelona recently
As I staggered out of bed for the hike, with my sore knee still sore, I thought back to the spiritual meaning ‘needs to be more receptive to life experiences’ – as a girl who actively seeks out life experiences., maybe it was telling me to slow down. That is also a life experience.
As someone who seeks out the balance in life, life can throw you a few tests to force you to stop and reflect, remind you to be grateful for your body and ask yourself “how much do you want this?”. I wanted to experience that hike, so two trains later I was enjoying a coffee with friends, sitting outside in the courtyard with blue skies overhead and clouds swirling the summit, looming ahead in the distance.
We finished the coffee, zipped up, and commenced the hike.
As we slowly meandered up towards the summit, it got windy and cold. The type of cold where you zip your jacket up as far to the top as possible. This is what I love about hiking, you feel it all. All the elements. There is no escaping nature. You feel the slippery gravel beneath your feet, the wind on your face, and the smiles on your face.
After a relatively easy meander up the main hike route, we stood at the summit where we were welcomed by an intense wind, one that feels like it could sweep you off your feet. As I looked around I giggled, people clung to each other as the strong winds swirled around. The wind was a constant force, making it hard to concentrate or chat. The calm of the coffee shop courtyard felt very far away but technically was insight as we could see the summit earlier as we felt the caffeine fill out the body.
And just as quickly as the wind arrived, bringing the intensity and chaos, swirling around us, minutes later we were walking down towards the ground level. With the winds now sheltered, calmness surrounded us. Again, nature forces you to experience it all, presenting a stillness where you can wander and chat shrouded by its power. A protective feeling sweeps over you.
It can be confusing to consider how two parts of the same city can feel so different.
It reflects life, where you live between chaos and calm, running away from life or inflow, having a lazy morning one weekend, then up and out on a long run another. We are never quite happy.
The calmness can feel static, a little boring, where life is drifting past. The chaos presents us with an emotional hangover, a headache, or a sore knee. When in the chaos we seek the calm, and when in the calm we seek a little bit of drama to make us feel alive.
There is power in the knowledge that when you are in the chaos all you need to do is step away and welcome in the calm. Easier said than done though. I feel this is a reminder as much to me as everyone else. You can seek out the calm, and bring in the balance, but if your inner world loves a bit of drama it will feel familiar to you – the chaos holds a comfortable quality about it. You will be someone who, not even realizing, attracts it in. Especially when your life feels too in control, like you are declaring to the universe ‘life is too good to be true, bring in the chaos to raise my heartrate and provide something to worry about’.
When it arrives, and it will, always know you don't need to stay in it longer than you need. Just because it feels familiar doesn’t mean it is serving any purpose. People attract and live in chaos all the time, it's all they know, and they use it as a distraction. A distraction from admitting they aren't happy and need to make a change in their life or a distraction from doing some work to take them forward in their life. There's always a choice. Your biggest superpower is to turn detective when the chaos arrives and find out why and when it arrives. Is there a pattern?
1. Is it linked to one person or a group of people – maybe it is time to let them go or set some boundaries?
2. Is it linked to a time in your life, perhaps when things are going well, and your default is to sabotage your calm or future success by inviting in some drama. Perhaps it is time to ask yourself what is your inner belief. If you don’t feel you deserve success then you will also seek out a way to ‘mess it up’. Time to monitor and reframe your self talk.
3. It is linked to a time of the month when you are tired and run down? You’re not in control of your emotions and end up having arguments or disagreements with people. If you can spot this, then set some boundaries where you focus on yourself and not other people’s business.
4. Are you doing too much? Not resting your body and mind, which can lead to injury or burnout. Check-in with you each morning and evening, and schedule rest days.
When you become aware of your calm versus chaos patterns, you switch from being a participant – running on autopilot into the next drama - to being a spectator. Someone who takes the helicopter view of a situation and is prepared to take a step back.
Eventually, my sore knee became too sore to run on and over a couple of days it felt too sore to even walk on. I rested up, and saw a sports masseuse who released the tension in my body. And just like that, the knee pain eased. It sounds as if my body was bringing in some injury chaos to remind me I need regular massages or my body will stop working for me. Now to make sure I take notice and don’t fall back into the same old bad patterns.
Each and every day is a day to learn more about how our mind, body, and spirit seek to live in harmony.
Go and get curious. Have a mindful scan of your body noticing any blocked energy, aches, and pains which may be a sign to slow down to listen to its message. It could be a sign there is some chaos in your life that you feel anxious or stressed over.
If I had to choose, I would choose calmness every time. Now I am on guard for those chaotic storms, ready to manoeuvre them.