Are you in the spotlight?
The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they are.
Since we are constantly the center of our world, we don’t realize the things that go on in our heads and our lives go unnoticed by others. Why? Because they are living in their heads, in their spotlight, the center of attention in their world.
The reason for the spotlight effect is we forget that although we are the center of our world, we are not the center of everyone else's.
This interesting personality quirk can show up when you do something out of the norm or something is happening in your life that has your full attention. Or worse, when you are self-conscious of a flaw or mistake you have made, convinced everyone is looking on – pointing and laughing.
It can lead to a feeling of self-consciousness which is hard to shake off, that over time can lead to social anxiety. You find it hard to relax and live in the moment. Instead you are consumed with replaying previous conversations in your head, picking them apart, or worrying about what you look like, or how you might make yourself look stupid in front of people.
Let’s look at some examples to bring to life the point:
- You have a blemish on your face, and decide you cannot possibly step outside as you think the minute you leave the house everyone will stop in their tracks and stare at you. How naive you are. Instead, the majority of people are in their heads considering what to have for their dinner, not a care for your blemish. Even if they do catch a glimpse of it, they are probably trying to remember what food is in their cupboards to snack on later.
- You have somehow got a stain on your top and spend the rest of the day fretting over it, trying to hide it, cover it up, or make excuses for it. The reality is, no one cares.
- You have a new haircut and think as you walk out the salon door every single person can see your transformation. Sadly, no one even notices you as they are rushing past, living in their own head.
- The last time you were with your friends you were drunk and can’t remember some, or most, of the conversation. You are convinced you probably said something to offend, or annoy someone, and worry about seeing them again. As you meet up with them again you feel a rush of relief as they proclaim “ I was so drunk on our last night out, I can’t remember most of the night”. Phew, everyone is worrying the same worry.
- You accomplish a goal and immediately think that everyone will be looking for an update – eager to share in your glory. The reality is everyone is so deep in their lives they have forgotten what you were even doing until you excitedly share, expecting fireworks! There are no fireworks.
- You are in the gym and have convinced yourself that everyone is watching you puff and pant, struggle to lift the weight. What you don’t realize is everyone is battling their own struggle.
I’m sure some of the above scenarios sounded familiar. To put it simply you think you’re a celebrity in your mind, that everyone is watching you and judging your choices. And the truth, nobody is thinking about you the way you are thinking about you!
Research has shown that the spotlight complex is widely common, so we should all be conscious of the effect on our life. Is it preventing you living a free life? A life free of comparison and worry of what others think?
The key takeaway is, without sounding mean, nobody cares what you do with your life as much as you do, so stop making choices as though they do. Take yourself out of the spotlight, and life live on your terms. With an awareness that everyone is more worried about their own lives, than yours.
Loosen up a little, life is way too short to be consumed by what others think of you. If you won’t remember the thing you are focusing on in five years time, then don’t allow it to consume more than five minutes of your life.