Languishing: The Aftermath of COVID-19

The 2021 Dominant Emotion

As the Covid-19 pandemic, and the aftermath, rumbles on an emotion some of us may not be familiar with will likely pop up. It could even be here now, and may even have been here for a while.

Our pre covid ‘normal’ lives are gone.

Everyone slowly adjusting to what is now being described as the ‘new normal’.

With the constant update to rules, some rules confusing and our future in the balance, many people will remain stuck. Living in limbo. A light at the end of the tunnel promised with the vaccine, soon challenged with new strains. Life feels confusing and, at times, too much.

When there is nothing to look forward to, some might stay stuck in a rut as they feel defeated. Too many variables to contend with. Life feels overwhelming. The simple stuff suddenly feels too much. A haze appears, like a fog, that you can’t shift.

These are all signs of a languishing state. Does this feel familiar?

What is it Languishing?

Languishing is described as the neglected middle child of mental health which can dull your motivation and focus.

It is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. You feel like you are getting to the end of the day a little lack lustre. Life feels a little flat. There is a fog in front of you. You’re definitely not functioning at full capacity.

Languishing dulls your motivation – you have lost your mojo. That thing that drives you is gone. Like someone has stolen the joy from your day.

Is this a new emotion? The term was coined by a sociologist named Corey Keyes, who was struck that many people who weren’t depressed also weren’t thriving.

It can slowly become your normal dominant emotion if you don’t catch yourself slipping into a languishing state. You feel in a rut but can’t be bothered doing anything about it.

If you had to describe it?

It’s a search for bliss in a gloomy day, connection in a solitary week, or purpose in an everlasting pandemic.

You feel stuck, in a sort of limbo where essences of life buzz around you, but you are resistant to them. Life is at once too overwhelming and not engaging enough.

It will feel different for some and others. But you just know it isn’t you. It is a sense of restlessness or feeling unsettled or an overall lack of interest in life or the things that typically bring you joy.

How do you spot the signs?

When we operate on auto pilot we can miss a change in our emotional state. The key to making any change in your life is acknowledging you might be feeling a bit lacklustre. By introducing a daily check-in you should pick up any slight or sudden change in mood.

These two prompts should allow you to identify your emotional state, and if you need to bring more joy into your day and life.

Evening - List the good things that happened today?

Morning - What am I excited about today?

If both questions are blank, or you are struggling to complete them then it is a sign your life might be a bit flat and out of balance. One flat day can suddenly turn into your normal. It is ok to feel a bit of flatness in your life, but we want you to spring back. Life is too short to stay in a low vibe state.

How To Cope With Languishing?

Ground yourself.

You can feel overwhelmed - stuck in the past or waiting for the future. Lets get you back to the present:

Ground Yourself

·         Introduce a daily mindful practice into your routine. 20 mins of reading, writing, meditation, journaling, or painting. Something where your mind is present and focussed on one single task. Stillness is key to feel your emotions, allow thoughts to bubble up and float away.

·         Connect back to you through nature. The feeling of the fresh air, smells all around and the touch of grass on your feet. Feel connected back to the world and you.

·         Make sure you have clear boundaries from your work and life. Switch off from your work – fully OFF. Give yourself “proper free time” to relax. Take a real break.

·         Switch off from Tech. Social Media. All those beeps – turn off notifications.

Go easy on yourself.

Reconnect

A.      Create a Purposeful Project – Life can feel like it is drifting by with no clear purpose. One way to get motivated and bring some oomph back is to create a mini project. It can be anything really. But it is important that you feel a sense of flow, where you are lost in the moment and learning, feeling you are developing a new skill, or achieving something. It will bring some agency to your life.

Examples range from a DIY project or a big declutter exercise – that feeling of control and progress. Research a future trip or adventure – something to bring hope and excitement in. Sign up for a new challenge – push your limits. Learn a new skill – language, cooking or musical instrument.

Focus on a small goal where you carve out time each day to work on it. Sometimes it’s a small step toward rediscovering some of the energy and enthusiasm that you’ve missed during all these months. Stimulate your mojo.

B.      Connect to a Community

a.       We are designed to function in a tribe. They get us, have our back. Sometimes when we languish we disconnect. Your tribe are there for you. Lean into your inner circle of family, friends, work colleagues to chat about how you are feeling. You will be surprised how much saying out loud your emotions will release you and action will follow.

b.      Join a community where there is a greater purpose. It should bring you back and provide perspective. This might be linked to a hobby or interest like a run or book club. Online yoga and meditation communities are springing up everywhere now. Even a regular PT session can hold you accountable and boost your happy hormones.

c.       Serve in your community. Join a volunteer group. Offer to help a neighbour who may not be able to get out and about. Litter picking is a big movement in the UK at the moment.

Tiny changes and connections can lead to feeling more invigorated and part of something bigger.

C.      Give Yourself Permission To Enjoy Your Daily Life

If you can’t remember what last brought you joy – explore and find it. What sparks a bit of joy in you and can be triggered? A song, movie, looking back over that dream trip or a period in your life where you felt alive. Something to spark you deep inside. Bring back that feeling of life.

•       Reminisce on some old photos, and memories. Recall that trip, festival, or moment in your life that makes you smile as you recall it. It is time to get your spark back.

•       Create a playlist to stir up those joyful vibes. We all have those tunes that bring the energy flowing in. Play them and get lost in the moment.

•       Recreate a night where you cook food from a trip or country, play some music, bring back that moment. Be Play.

•       Move into a high vibe state with 20 min movement. Feel re energised. Schedule it in. Even move as you clean. Turn a mundane task into fun.   Side step to a tune as you wait for the kettle to boil.

•       Small daily treats. A cup of coffee. Little tasty treat. A lush bath at the end of the day. A massage. A brisk morning cold water shower. Being grateful for what you have.

What makes you smile and laugh? Lean into anything that brings you enjoyment and repeat it daily, weekly, monthly until your life is filled with joy.

D.      Change Your Scenery and create boundaries

•       Enjoying a mindful walk or some form of physical activity could release endorphins and bolster mood. This could help release endorphins and improve mood and motivation. Reset in nature. It should help clear the fog. Be mindful. Appreciate it all. The fluffy clouds, the feeling of the air, the colours of your environment.

•       When possible, create a designated space to work separate from where you relax. Have an activity or ritual that signals the end of work day and the start to your relax time.

Summary

During the early days of the pandemic, we all clung onto hope and optimism. Now we need to shift our attention to focus on daily joyful moments and finding our flow. Flow is where you are fully absorbed in a task. Time floats away, you feel a sense of calm as you gain momentum in your life. People who are more immersed in their projects, and life, manage to avoid languishing and maintain their happiness levels.

Key Actions to implement

1.       Check-in on YOU – Daily. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Ask yourself how you are feeling.

2.       Be Still & Present – 20 mins a day. Be gentle on yourself and allow stillness. Switch off from all distractions, that feeling of overwhelm will drift away.

3.       Bring Daily Joy into your life – Rediscover what makes you happy then schedule it in until it becomes a regular practice.

4.       Find Flow – Immerse yourself in a Project, challenge, new skill or a Playlist. Feel the life flow back into you as you move and create momentum.

5.       Reconnect with a community of like minded people. You are not alone.

Your overall well being is not linear, it flows and so should you. Be prepared with a languishing toolkit. Small steps taken daily, will slowly form a routine and a practice. A practice that you know will serve you as a period of languishing tries to engulf you.

Always remember – this to shall pass.